It’s the human side of aging that inspired Harmony Gardens, our comedy series set in a retirement residence. Beneath the humour, the series explores many of the same questions families face in real life - independence, friendship, family expectations, caregiving and what it means to stay connected as we get older.
For many families, there isn't one dramatic moment when everyone suddenly realizes an aging parent needs more help.
More often, it's a collection of little things.
Maybe the fridge isn't as well stocked as it used to be. Your dad has stopped going to his weekly card game. Your mom seems to be calling you more often for help with things she always handled herself. Or you visit after not seeing your parents for a few weeks and something just feels different.
So how do you know when normal aging is becoming a sign that a parent could use more support?
Here are 10 things worth paying attention to.
1. Everyday tasks are becoming more difficult
Cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, grocery shopping and keeping up with the house can become more challenging with age.
One unfinished task isn't necessarily cause for concern. But if you notice a pattern - spoiled food, an unusually messy house, unopened mail or chores that aren't getting done - it may be worth asking what's changed.
2. They're becoming less social
Has your parent stopped going to activities they once enjoyed? Are they seeing friends less often or spending most of their days alone?
Social connection is an important part of well-being at every age. Sometimes the solution isn't more care at all. It may be finding easier ways for someone to stay connected to friends, family and community.
3. They're having trouble managing medications
Missing doses, taking medication at the wrong time or becoming confused about prescriptions can be an indication that some additional support would be helpful.
It can also be a good reason to speak with their doctor or pharmacist.
4. Driving is becoming stressful
A parent may begin avoiding driving at night, in bad weather or on unfamiliar roads. You might also notice new dents or scratches on the car.
Giving up driving can feel like giving up independence, so this can be an especially sensitive conversation. Before jumping to "You shouldn't be driving," it can help to talk about what transportation alternatives would allow them to keep doing the things they enjoy.
5. Their eating habits have changed
An empty refrigerator, expired food, weight loss or relying heavily on snacks and prepared foods may mean that shopping and cooking have become more difficult.
But don't immediately assume your parent needs someone to cook for them. Grocery delivery, meal programs or sharing meals with other people may solve part of the problem while allowing them to remain independent.
6. They're relying heavily on one family member
Sometimes the first indication that an older adult needs more support isn't a change in the parent - it's a change in the child.
If one sibling is doing the shopping, driving to appointments, handling finances, arranging medications and answering multiple calls a day, the current arrangement may no longer be sustainable.
Supporting an aging parent shouldn't require one family member to quietly become a full- time care coordinator.
7. Personal care is slipping
Changes in grooming, clothing or personal hygiene can sometimes indicate that everyday routines are becoming harder.
Approach this one carefully. What looks like "not taking care of themselves" from the outside can have many explanations. Ask rather than assume.
8. They're having more falls or close calls
Falls, difficulty with stairs, trouble getting in and out of the shower or holding onto furniture while walking are all worth paying attention to.
Sometimes relatively small changes to the home can make a big difference. Other times, professional advice or additional support may be needed.
9. They're forgetting more than they used to
Everyone forgets things.
But repeated missed appointments, unpaid bills, getting lost in familiar places or increasing confusion deserve attention.
Memory changes can have many causes, so significant or sudden changes should be discussed with a healthcare professional rather than simply being dismissed as "getting older."
10. You find yourself worrying about them
Don't discount this one.
Adult children often notice subtle changes long before there's an obvious crisis. If you're repeatedly wondering whether Mom or Dad is okay, that's probably a good reason to start a conversation.
It doesn't necessarily mean they need to move. It doesn't even necessarily mean they need formal care.
It means it's time to talk.
So, what happens next?
One of the biggest mistakes families can make is treating this as a choice between two extremes: everything stays exactly the same, or Mom and Dad have to move.
There's a huge range in between.
Home modifications, transportation, meal delivery, technology, community programs, home care and help from family may make it possible to remain at home safely and happily.
For other people, independent or assisted living can provide something that's harder to create at home: a community.
And that's an important part of the conversation too.
Where we live as we get older isn't only about medications, meals and mobility. It's also about friendship, independence, purpose, privacy, laughter and continuing to have a life.
Because getting older may change where and how we live.
It doesn't make life any less interesting.